In chapter three of his gospel, John tells the story of two different spiritual leaders in their relationship to Jesus.  Both men had disciples.  One was investigating Jesus secretly and hesitantly.  The other was pointing people to him publicly and confidently.  How they operated and how they saw the world made all the difference for them and their followers.  Working backwards through the chapter I want to show you how to do what John the Baptist and John the writer both do much better than Nicodemus.  I want to show you how to practice spiritual mentoring. Whether you are a parent, pastor, teacher, counselor, youth worker, auntie or friend, you can lead others confidently using a few simple but profound mentoring practices drawn from this chapter.

1. Point them to Jesus.

The Baptist's disciples came to him complaining that his followers were leaving to follow Jesus instead.  His answer was perfect.  "He must increase but I must decrease." (John 3:30) A temptation of every leader, parent, pastor or teacher is to get your ego needs met by those who follow.  Whether it's the size of your following, the loyalty of how people talk about you, or the heady power of having people depend on you, good leadership means realizing that "He must increase but I must decrease."  Teach people to follow Jesus, not you.  Help your kids learn to hear his voice and make good decisions with him, not to come to you for advice.  A wise leader does not raise dependents. 

2. Show them your weakness.

While the Baptist was having people confess sins openly, Nicodemus was coming "at night".  The writer includes a backhanded comment directed at Nicodemus about how "people love the cover of darkness because their deeds are evil".  What they really need is to come into the light and be exposed so they can be cleansed and healed.  That's what the baptizing was about.  Let me put this bluntly:  you can't just point the light at people.  You need to lead them into the light.  Many people in leadership try to maintain appearances while leading.  Give up.  Either you don't struggle and no one can relate to you so they lose hope, or you do struggle and you're a phony so they lose trust.  Either way, you lose.  Lead the way into the light by being self disclosing with those you lead.  Let them see your weakness.  They will respect you and follow you better.  Even your kids.

3. Show them your only hope.

The famous John 3:16 is a great summary of the good news, but only in its context with the verses 15 and 17-18 can we understand why it's so good.  Verse 15 illustrates what it means with an allusion to an old testament story.  The desert wandering Israelites were attacked by poisonous snakes.  Many people were dying.  God told Moses to make a bronze snake on a pole and lift it up where everyone could see it.  Whoever looked at it (in faith of course, believing that God would save them by it), was saved.  Those who didn't, perished.  In the same way, v. 17-18 says, Jesus didn't come to condemn but that those already condemned could look to him in faith and be saved.  When people hear the good news of God's love and grace, but don't understand the gravity of their situation, it often doesn't make sense.  Or when things are going well, it is easy to forget what we have been saved from and complain like an Israelite.  We can help those we lead by constantly pointing them to trust Jesus, not by guilt and condemnation, but by reminder of their already perilous and lost state without him.  We don't just need help, we need rescue.  We don't say Jesus is the only way to be exclusive.  We say it because everyone is already bitten and perishing and our only hope is to look to him.

4. Show them spiritual reality.

This is the most important skill you can develop.  Nicodemus, was hung up on physical reality.  Birth, Temple, Torah, Washing, Healings: These external, physical realities have invisible spiritual counterparts.  If all you see is the outside, you miss half of reality.  You see Jesus the man, but miss the invisible identity as God present.  You see baptism in water but miss the invisible reality of cleansing by the Spirit.  You believe in miracles of healing, but don't see the invisible spiritual cause of the sickness.  Unless you are born again, you can't see the Kingdom of God.  If you don't understand earthly things, how will you understand heavenly things?  There is a spiritual reality behind the scenes that is real and must be dealt with. 

Recently, I was working with a girl and her mother who had come to me for counsel.  The mother was worried about her teenage daughter who had started smoking weed to cope with her depression.  The mother's fear of losing her daughter had her pin-balling between dueling desires to control her daughter and give up on her to protect her own heart.  The mother had tried to "shine" light on the truth to her daughter.  She had told her daughter she needed Jesus.  But nothing was working.  The mother saw the physical reality of her daughter drifting away and the daughter saw the physical reality of how she hated her life. 

As soon as the mother came into the light herself and led her daughter from a place of weakness and vulnerability where the daughter saw her heart, cracks of light began to shine in.  As both of them started to get honest about their lostness and fears and gave up their accusations and condemnations of each other, they realized the problem was not with the other person, but they were both equally perishing and needed to be saved.  When I helped them see the spiritual reality of an enemy who wants to steal, kill and destroy everything good,  I took authority over the enemy who was lying to them.  I showed them how they were both giving power to the enemy by believing and repeating the lies that he told. Then I pointed them back to Jesus and showed them how they could use his authority to interrupt the lies of the enemy.  Deliverance happened.  Healing happened.  Honesty and real connection happened.  Of course they are not out of the woods.  The enemy will come back and continue his attempts to steal, kill and destroy everything good.  But by helping the mother learn to show her weakness, show her only hope, and see the spiritual reality and then pointing them back to Jesus, I was able to empower them both in their walk with Jesus rather than make them dependent on me.

Ultimately, you can't save people, but with prayer and practice, you can be good mentor and lead people to the one who can.